Two of Hearts
by Ovary Boi
Summary: Two hearts that beat as one. New students at Hogwarts face hard times and tough challenges. ONESHOT. Hot RodxHP Crossover, AU, SLASH. R&R please.


**Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or lyrics.**

Joint effort. Hope you like it, dedicated to the Lonely Island Dudes.

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"Get out," cried Rod, his screams of rage echoed throughout the shaken house. Kevin gave Rod a disconcerted look of disbelief, and took his immediate leave, toothbrush in hand.

Hello, Friend, my name is Akiva, what's yours? I am a humble director, dedicated to bringing you the best and worst of times of Rod and Kevbot. (:

Andy had been crying because he had just been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, a place far from home. Kevin had not been (although, later, it turns out his owl was just lost, and he got accepted anywho. Lol. )

It was an emotional time for Rod; it was a tough time for all. Rod was frustrated and alone. He needed to find a Standard Size Pewter Cauldron, but had ne'er a clue on how to procure such an object. Luckily Kevin found a website. Online.

The next day at Hogwarts was nerve-wracking. Rod and Kevin were feeling extremely farty 'n bloaty, for they had been up the previous night waiting, worrying, wondering… What, Rod likes stunts, what new truths would unfold in this new chapter of their lives.

"Rod, are you okay?" Kevin asks me.

Rod looked at him, Kevin could see the hurt in his eyes, but he ignored it. Kevin sighed, a glossy far off look in his eyes.

They got sorted, Kevin to Gryffindor, Rod to Slytherin, and I, Akiva, to Ravenclaw.

McGonagall hated me.

Later, at lunch, we took our seats at our tables. Kevin, feeling disheartened, took his seat at the Slytherin table.

"What are you doing here?" Asked Rod, in an almost accusatory inflection.

"Rod, are you okay?" Asked Kevin under his breath.

"You can't be seen here, you're a Hufflepuff. You could—"

Draco's ivory skin, sleek blonde hair, and pointed features resembled that of his mother, Narcissa's.

Draco reared his ugly head, "What are you doing here, you ignorant Gryffindorian?"

At this mo' a squat, faggoty girl with coarse, bushy hair and extra huge, large teeth approached the table, Ron following swiftly in her wake. He was also a faggot, and a ginger too! (GROSS LOL)

Kevin shuddered.

Rod also shivered, a cold shot of electricity shooting down his crooked spine. He likes to do stunts. Rod has had Scoliosis since he was a baby. But he was cured by a miracle. This miracle took place March 19, 1985, and cured him of his Scoliosis. This day happened to be Kevbot's birthday.

Kevin stood immediately. He started to run away, tears pouring from his eyes.

Draco shot an ass load of jinxes and hexes after him.

"Avada Kedavra," He shouted.

Kevbot somersaulted and dodged…

Draco ran away like a li'l baby. He ran far and fast, through the Great Hall, out of Hogwarts, past Hagrid's lodge, and straight into the Forbidden Forest, where he was captured by centaurs. Later they roasted him, and feasted on his succulent flesh with butter and lemon wedge.

Draco's death aside, we join Hermione and Ronlad in the Great Hall.

"Hi, I'm Hermione and Ronlad," said Hermione and Ronlad.

"Shut up, shut the fuck up, you ding-dong diddly witchin', beaver bitchin', freckled faggot," replied Rod.

This insult was the cause for applause from the Slytherins. They finally accepted Rod, who likes stunts, as one of their own. Finally.

Rod took a congratulatory peek at Hermione's bobs and felt a ripple of disgust run up and down his spine.

Andy then took a cleansing breath at Jorma's bobs, and was aesthetically pleased by his bobs. He sighed.

"Oh, li'l bro," Rod thought. "You've really blossomed into a budding youth."

A smile played on his lips, while he played with Kevin's emotions.

Rod could not sleep at night. Kissing Kevin had made his emotions go wild, and tickled his groin. He ached for more.

"Rod, are you okay?" Rod awoke to the sound of Kevin's soft, melodic voice at the lunch table.

Dream Sequence

_Rod does a stunt._

"_Kevin, I love you…"_

_Kevin's face appeared in every passing cloud… "Kevin!!"_

End Dream

Rod awoke, thirsty for blood. He spotted Harry and Kevbot macking in front of Moaning Myrtles' bathroom stall. He grinned, his fangs gleaming in the dim candlelight.

"Harry, want to have a threesome?" Rod inquired.

"Okay," replied Harry.

There is a sharp intake of breath, as Mad Eye cries out, "I AM DYING!"

_FIN._

_Sincerely,_

_Love,_

_Your friend,_

_Akiva Schaffer_

_--_

Hope you all liked it, cause we know we did


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